Japan and Families

The realization has been rumbling on the horizon for some time, getting progressively louder. But the finally hit me head-on last week; Japanese don't know their ancestors.
They worship them like gods, praying to them in shrines, adorning grave sites like alters with incense and flowers. But they don't have a clue who they're praying TO!
Every year, as a part of my English-teaching curriculum, I try to teach kids how to talk about their families in English. But they consistently have trouble talking about parents, grandparents and so on. Last weekend one of my beginning adult students, an older office worker and mother of two, was simply unable to tell me anything more about her grandparents than their names. Appalled, I pressed her until I was satisfied she was genuinely ignorant of her own family elders. No, she didn't have anything against them. Yes, she had met them many times as a child. But she couldn't even tell me their jobs or where they originated. I tasked her with talking to her aging mother.
I finished the lesson and shared this with my wife (also Japanese). She saw nothing unusual, and to my shock she couldn't tell me much more about her own grandparents. She explained that because in this culture, parents (grandparents...) held a god-like status above their children, said children never spoke to them (or about them) in such familiar terms.

Familiar terms???

I argued that it was tantamount to sociological suicide to proceed so ignorant of your lineage. She understood my viewpoint and pointed out that modern generations are less strict but maintained that even if she did ask her mother about her grandparents (which would make both of them very uncomfortable) her mother wouldn't give her a straight answer.

Wow! The Japanese maintain a family registry for every family of Japanese descent; it shows the names, titles and affiliations stretching back hundreds of years. But they can't tell you what grandpa's favorite color was.