Infiltrating the STEPS test.

We attended the STEPS English proficiency test this morning at Rikyu University, AKA 英検. It was the pre-2 level interview portion. This is the make-or-break stage of the test that distinguishes the supposedly best students of English.

We sent our 10 year old son in to gauge the mettle of the dreaded interview portion. You see, the rest of the test is written, with some listening parts. But in this final boss-level, the students must meet with a supposed speaker of English, answer questions and make brief conversation. But the interviewers are Japanese, non-native speakers. In most countries that wouldn't be a big deal. But here, it gave rise to suspicion; could these interviewers speak real English, or were they just a bunch of "parrots?"

Our son is a native speaker of English, and a good one at that. Good enough to be bothered by the grammatical mistakes in some of ex-president George W. Bush's speeches.

After passing the pre-2 written test the month before, we sent him in for an interview test in Niza, and after the test he gave us his report of the experience.

He said it was weird: the instructor's English was so unnatural that he had trouble following her; and once she realized his was a native speaker, she was intimidated by him and stopped making eye-contact. When she asked him the infamous rejoinder, prompting the student to elaborate on an answer, "tell me more," he felt he had already said all he could (most students, true to Japanese form, strive to give the most concise, perfect, short answer possible). The question was on the subject of bringing your own cup ("my-cup" in Japanese English) to coffee shops, so he punted (B.S.'ed) and said, "it's good for the, uh, environment..." We all cracked-up when he told us. So if the proctor herself cannot speak English with minimum proficiency, then who are they to sit in judgement?

At the start of the pre-interview written portion, Eiji raised his hand and asked, "could I borrow an eraser?" and everyone stared at him like he'd caught fire...and yes, he had to ask again, in Japanese.
When I went to get him, none of the staff could speak a word of English. I hung out in the lobby of Rikyu University, waiting for my son to finish, I tried chatting (in English) with a nearby mother. She couldn't speak a word of the language she was shoving down the throat of her kid. I tried speaking to another parent, and then all the waiting parents quickly sunk their faces into their books and papers to avoid chatting. It's the hypocrisy that gets me. If you want your kid to do something, shouldn't you do it yourself, too? Hasn't anyone heard of "lead by example?"

Taters in the Pool

I was having breakfast with my wife this morning and we were talking about summer plans and mentioned swimming pools. She said that we should go before the schools let out because once the kids are all on summer break, "the pools will be 'imo arai.'"
I thought over the expression and LMAO'ed realizing it referred to "washing potatoes," the way a tub of water full of potatoes looks.

Singapore Cinema Advisory

The cinema is a great and popular escape from the heat and frenzy of Singapore. They're inexpensive and clean, the films are current, and the audience is lively, lending to a nice group feeling that you don’t get in places like Japan. Coming from Tokyo where the films are released up to a year after being released in the rest of the world, the audience is dead to the most intense stimuli, and one ticket costs as much as dinner for two, we always enjoy going to the movies while we’re there. But the last time we went, things were a little weird. We really weren’t interested in any of the current faire, but we were keen on several of the staler ones that were in their final weeks. Shouldn't be to hard to get tickets to a two-month-old Mr. Popper's Penguins or Kung Fu Panda (what with Green Lantern and Transformers 3 all over place). To our surprise, even those dusty old shows were sold out (except for the seats under the screen). We were first in line and still couldn’t get seats in many places. What the heck???

Turns out that all the cinemas have put their sales online and everyone buys theirs that way, well in advance. If you have any access to the internet, buy your tickets this way. Do NOT queue up, it’s a waste of time. Get an internet café, anything! One of the main reasons to visit Singapore is the great shopping there. Their malls are awesome, and a movie or two can easily turn a morning of malling into a whole day of it.

Universal Studios Singapore Sucks

Skip it. My family wanted to go while we were in Singapore. My son is ten and sounded like a good idea. It was a Friday so all the local kids were in school and the rainy season was limiting tourism, so the crowds would be minimal.

I stood in line for tickets under the brutal, equatorial sun for close to an hour and we continued to stand in lines the rest of the day. You can only buy tickets at the park, as far as we could find. Inside, it looks like any Universal Studios, but a look at the map will reveal how comically small it is. Four and a half roller coasters, two boat rides, a few other minor ones. None of the spectacular 3D rides that make the others such a must-visit. You'll stand in lines much longer than what's warned on the attraction entry sign LEDs. Now we wouldn't mind the lines so much, coming from Tokyo (we KNOW how to queue!) but unlike other Universal Studios and Disneys, this one doesn't have anything more than rope cordons. Other such parks weave their queues through air conditioned rooms and sets with memorable, animated scenes and video displays; slowly getting you pumped up for the attraction. This has none of that. It's so cheap and half-assed. Most of it is shops and photo ops. Pretty sad. My son's favorite part was the 50's diner...THE 50'S DINER! What does THAT say??? With no shade and few opportunities to sit and rest we were heat-stroked before lunch and had to leave after only a few hours.

Maybe you're from a country that doesn't have much in the way of theme parks anywhere near. Maybe this is they best you're going to get in your region. If so, I guess you're justified in going. But if you think you'll be in Europe, the Americas or Japan in the foreseeable future, I'd say save your time and money. We wish we'd spent our time at anywhere else on Sentosa. They've got a good beach, some nice attractions...anywhere else would have been great.