The other day in the supermarket we saw a small child getting upset about something. He was about two or three years old and there was something that he wanted more than life itself. But the mother was ready to check out and didn't want to bother with it. The child's voice raised and tensed. "Here we go," we all thought. Here comes the screaming, kicking meltdown with the mother embarrassed and either ignoring or yelling (maybe hitting) the brat. But then she surprised everyone. She knelt down and actually talked WITH her son, calmly and patiently. Respectfully. Then she got out of line to go look at whatever it was. There was another discussion (I wish I could have heard it, but it appeared civil and intelligent), and they returned to the line without whatever it was, and without any hard feelings, screaming, pulling, dragging, yelling, crying, or violence, either. She diffused a potential firestorm with a brief, respectful discussion and it appeared to be the way they usually dealt with matters.
I loved this because this is exactly how my wife and I chose to raise our son. We always tried to discuss rather than command; give either options or explanations; demonstrate rather than compel; respect and patience. It's easier and quicker to use your huge adult body to force kids to submit, or to "pull rank" on them ("...because I'm your parent and I said so, that's why!"). But in the long run you're just teaching them to do the same and the day's coming when they'll be bigger than you. Good luck "controlling" them, then.
It's takes a little more time initially, and you may feel like a chump for deigning to negotiate with a "stupid child" who "should be grateful for the life you gave them" but unfortunately it just doesn't work like that. As a school-owner of over 14 years I've seen all kinds of parent-child dynamics and their results. Draconian rule only breeds more certain rebellion (or mindless automatons). Violence breeds violence. Dishonesty breeds dishonesty. So please, take a little extra time, swallow your pride and be ready lose the occasional argument, too. You'll have a much more reasonable offspring, a better relationship; and it only cost you a few extra minutes here and there, and maybe a well-litigated Pokemon chocolate.
